Esoteric, by Return to Life

Esoteric

by Return to Life

	/

Streaming + Download

Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

Purchasable with gift card

$7 CAD or more

1.	Radiance 04:17		buy track
2.	This Person Does Not Exist 05:13	lyrics	buy track
Speaking through someone I wish wasn’t real He’s all that I am, but not what I feel Disconnecting Isolating No will to stay It’s far too late No hope left to live through this hell Erase any trace of myself Overcome with rage At the fact that I never had a choice to this day Every waking moment was a lie, a fictitious display Everything I’ve been through has meant nothing So I die Fade away All of the tears, all of the cries Pray that they’re gone when I close my eyes And I die Waste away All of my thoughts lost in the noise Hoping the world will be better this way Endless The dread is worse than it has felt before Helpless I cannot bear to face it anymore Living in fear of every fucking day Life is predetermined, death is prearranged As if it mattered at all, no one noticed Destined to suffer for all eternity To relive every mistake I made I deceived everyone but myself Let it be known I wasn’t here All of the tears, all of the cries Pray that they’re gone when I close my eyes And I die Waste away All of my thoughts lost in the noise Hoping the world will be better this way
3.	Clearmeadow 05:32	lyrics	buy track
You’ve awakened here, reasons still unclear Memories are lost, thoughts have disappeared I can see that you hoped you’d reach the end But although you’ve changed, you are still my friend Follow the sound of my voice I will set you free Time has come to make a choice It was meant to be Desperate for an answer You must still be patient Introspection before any revelation Who did you think you were? What were you living for? But there is still a way you could be born once more Follow the sound of my voice I will set you free Time has come to make a choice It was meant to be You have yet to truly see who you were always meant to be Walk into the great unknown, and make this life become your own
4.	The Contagion 04:43	lyrics	buy track
Force a divide, such is their way All of our wrongs on mass display Painting the lines of their own kind Create the fear in their own minds Panic ensuing, in droves they’re now approaching Hatred fills their bloodshot eyes Spend their days and nights enabling total genocide I watch in shock as people kill whoever they decide Fabricate the truth to fit the lie One by one we die Righteous in their holy fight Colours fade into the night Cleanse us all of our sin And let the end begin Force the divide, no one is spared Culling the weak and ill-prepared Painting the lines, and spreading profuse lies Conform or be enemies in their eyes Creating disease, becoming the sole cure There’s only so much we can endure Righteous in their holy fight Colours fade into the night Cleanse us all of our sin And let the end begin In mere days whole years go by Through the past our futures die Yet there’s hope in what we’ve made For it can still be saved
5.	Beggar 05:43	lyrics	buy track
One day you had it all A home to call your own A life to live, a future known You hoped that it could last But knew that from the start These crumbling walls would fall apart In dire times, through darkest nights It comes undone When waves are high, keep holding on You are the one One day you lost it all Cast out into the sea No shore in sight, no time to breathe And now that you are gone I’ll try to make amends And hope for you this nightmare ends In dire times, through darkest nights It comes undone When waves are high, keep holding on You are the one You thought you’d finally reached the end Although you’ve changed, you’re still my friend Time will stop for you And bring you back to me Life begins anew And you will be set free
6.	Colossus 06:54	lyrics	buy track
Overwhelming, oppressive force The thought of never becoming more So much noise that I cannot hear The voices of doubt are becoming clear Severed from the world that’s out there The pain is worse than what I could bear Try to run from fate Before I can’t endure Before it’s far too late Distance feels far too real Hide from all my past regrets And turn away from those that I must face To live today Please save me from myself Gone, exist as a ghost A remnant of what I have lost Try to run from fate Hide from what I fear the most Of what’s left And of the broken life I’d built End of the line for what hope Remained before I reached for the rope Anatomic dissonance In a world that splits my divided attention Endless waves of rage begin To prolong the effects of the building tension Overwhelmed and paranoid Of a possible future that I still live in Lying through my teeth and say I’m okay as I wait for the day I stop breathing I hope I get through to you And see you awake again This nightmare consuming you But soon it will end Try to run from fate Before I can’t endure Before it’s far too late Distance feels far too real Hide from all my past regrets And turn away from those that I must face To live today Save me from myself
7.	A Soul-Deep Stare 03:51	lyrics	buy track
I’m born without my eyes Into a life I never chose And soon I turn Into a lonely withered rose Then the night begins to change I see right through your mind and your fears I’ll peer into your soul through your tears I see right through your mind and your fears I’ll peer into your soul through your tears You’ll be my device, my human disguise And lead me through all my trials I’ll show you once more the way to the shore And break through your walls of denial
8.	Breathe 02:52	lyrics	buy track
Breathe it out A sight of disbelief, a wave of smoke Eyes closed, mind open Breathe it out The poison in my lungs, my only hope I know All this time I couldn’t notice Days float by without a promise Nothing helps besides receding As my final thoughts are fleeting Nobody could bother me Here in this still, quiet World full of nothing But it doesn’t matter to me
9.	The Inevitable 15:05	lyrics	buy track
No matter what your voice remains So tell me what there is to gain No matter how I seem to try You never want to die I failed to rid you of my past (But you were always me) I failed to reach the end at last (And I was always you) And was I ever in control? Did I exist as me at all? An empty surrogate Was I alive by chance Or merely circumstance? Over time this certainty had faded into obscurity Thoughts I once internalized are torn out of my body and mind One by one, memories falling apart at the seams of their origin Things are slowly starting to make sense As my life is falling into place Puzzle pieces are finally fitting Into an image resembling something That I wanted to become Now arriving to conclusions I once had thought were delusions And was I ever in control? Did I exist as me at all? An empty surrogate Was I alive by chance Or merely circumstance? Devoid of any choice I’ve yet to use my voice A motionless, eternal dream An ever present melody Reveals the sound of hope to me As I tried to disappear your true voice was drawing near And my path’s becoming clear It’s time you owned what wasn’t mine I stand before my own demise And face it strong with open eyes As I tried to disappear your true voice was drawing near And my path’s becoming clear And out of the fog emerges a familiar form But something has changed, as if it was somehow rearranged Is this what it meant for you to truly be made anew? I now see that it was inevitable You couldn’t be real, you couldn’t know what it was to feel And I should’ve known, but this life can finally be your own I’m sorry I took this long, I now know that I was wrong But I’m glad to see you return I know you hoped you’d reached the end Although you’ve changed, you’re still my friend Time has stopped for you And brought you back to me Life begins anew And you can now be free
10.	Losing a Friend 06:55	lyrics	buy track
I would have long been lost without you But times move on as we do Locked in an eternal dance Through our own minds Don’t you know? I would die for you Just for one last time One more moment I’ll still be here if one day you would let me in Does one life have to end for another to begin? (I would’ve done anything to go back) (But then I wouldn’t really be myself) I would have long been lost without you But times move on as we do Locked in an eternal dance Through our own minds Don’t you know? I would die for you Just for one last time One more moment

about

Nearly 4 years, and a bunch of changes to my personal life later, Esoteric emerged as a glimpse into where I've been and where I may be going. While the first two records were mostly fictional in their subject matter with minor inspiration from real world events, #3 is the first time I've ever committed to making something entirely about myself. A few years of introspection and about 7 months of self-indulgence in 2022 produced 61 minutes of the most real material I've released to date.

credits

released November 23, 2022

license

about

Return to Life Toronto, Ontario

Hey, I'm Anna, a 25 year old engineering grad from the Toronto area. I make music, primarily of the metal and heavy types, but occasionally dab in some more experimental styles.